Tag: Just Be

Here’s To Trying

I was at work on Friday, and my boyfriend was anticipating father’s day weekend with me and his son when he messaged me, “bring a swimsuit”.

Last year, we went to Ocean City, and I had purchased 2 new bikinis in anticipation for that trip. And I had gotten small in anticipation for that trip. I am not quite as small now, so the mere thought of myself wearing those instantly drove my anxiety through the roof.

Something that I find particularly bothersome in society right now is the “body positivity” movement. The main pain point for me there is that everyone is telling everyone else that it’s okay to look this way or that way…. But I was raised to believe that the only opinion that really matters is your own. And in my opinion, I should not be wearing a swimsuit – let alone a bikini.

I packed the damn thing anyway. And not my high-waisted one. (My boyfriend thinks it covers too much of my body and I don’t need to) Either luckily for me, or unfortunately, depending on how you look at it, the weather was not cooperative for such ventures.

However, now that summer is here and swimsuit season is actually upon us… I feel the need to pay more attention to junk I put in my body. It’s been through some junk this weekend, for sure. Ugh. Trying to find a balance…. That’s the difficult part. Here’s to trying.

Long Day

Yesterday morning, my little girl had a dentist appointment with a new dentist. She ended up having two teeth pulled. And I was not in the room with her. They convinced me that as her mother, I would likely make her more nervous.

Let me tell you what. I would have, if anything, made her more comfortable. Because I’m her mother, and I know how to discuss things with her. I know how to make her feel better. But. They convinced me to stay away and allow them to do their job. And I listened.

The guilt that I felt after that is like no other. I make a point of letting her be a part of the decision making process for anything that has to deal with her body. I’m hoping, by doing that, that I will make her more aware growing up of her own body being her own entity that she controls. But for now, she’s 8. Just because I’m her mother doesn’t mean that I should tell the dentist it’s okay to yank her teeth out without me in the room.

We spent the rest of the day together. I called her out of school. I called off of work. And I got to spend time with my baby girl. Ever since her brother came along, we haven’t had too many opportunities for just us. Especially since their father isn’t too much in the picture – his choice, not mine. But it was really nice to just… be – together. We didn’t do a whole lot. We relaxed. And we were just mommy and baby.

I may have overreacted a little bit, and made too much of a big deal out of it…. but it is a big deal. And I wouldn’t trade my day yesterday for anything in the world. Sometimes, as a parent, or even just as a person… it’s nice to just stop. Stop running around. Stop distracting ourselves.. and just be.