Tag: Breathe

Lost Cause

I had an appointment with my therapist yesterday. She mentioned to me that body image and eating habits could take a lifetime to change, and she wants to give me the tools necessary to be my own therapist. She wants to make our meetings less frequent soon, and then just do follow-up appointments every once in a while following that.

I feel like she is breaking up with me. Like my problems can’t be that bad if she doesn’t think I need to meet with her. Which takes me right back to the place of “I’m making this into more than it really needs to be”. When I mentioned this thought to one of my best friends, he said, “Well don’t you think you might be?”.

I want to give up. I want to ignore that anything is even happening. I want to go back to the place where I didn’t talk about anything that was going on with me, and pretend like everything is okay like I’ve done for my entire life. This hasn’t been a problem until now. . .why make it into more than it is?

I feel like I just need to put my big girl pants back on, turn around, and forget that I ever entertained this idea.

But I’m not a quitter. I need to just put one foot in front of the other, and keep moving.

Long Day

Yesterday morning, my little girl had a dentist appointment with a new dentist. She ended up having two teeth pulled. And I was not in the room with her. They convinced me that as her mother, I would likely make her more nervous.

Let me tell you what. I would have, if anything, made her more comfortable. Because I’m her mother, and I know how to discuss things with her. I know how to make her feel better. But. They convinced me to stay away and allow them to do their job. And I listened.

The guilt that I felt after that is like no other. I make a point of letting her be a part of the decision making process for anything that has to deal with her body. I’m hoping, by doing that, that I will make her more aware growing up of her own body being her own entity that she controls. But for now, she’s 8. Just because I’m her mother doesn’t mean that I should tell the dentist it’s okay to yank her teeth out without me in the room.

We spent the rest of the day together. I called her out of school. I called off of work. And I got to spend time with my baby girl. Ever since her brother came along, we haven’t had too many opportunities for just us. Especially since their father isn’t too much in the picture – his choice, not mine. But it was really nice to just… be – together. We didn’t do a whole lot. We relaxed. And we were just mommy and baby.

I may have overreacted a little bit, and made too much of a big deal out of it…. but it is a big deal. And I wouldn’t trade my day yesterday for anything in the world. Sometimes, as a parent, or even just as a person… it’s nice to just stop. Stop running around. Stop distracting ourselves.. and just be.