So I’m working on noticing the difference between ‘normal’ and ‘abnormal’ behavior. It is normal to crave a snack, eat that snack, be satiated, and be done. It is abnormal to crave a snack, so you find everything you possibly can, and eat it alone in bed late at night.

Last night, I had 2 pop-tarts, a caramel MilkyWay bar, a hollow bunny, some jelly beans, some milk duds, and a giant spoon full of peanut butter. Somehow, I managed to eat all of those things within a half hour, alone, in bed. That is abnormal behavior. That, my friends, is what we call a binge. Maybe not the worst binge in the entire world… but definitely a binge.

What’s even crazier in my mind (which I’m sure you’ve figured out is crazy within its own right), is when I did my morning weigh-in. I had gone DOWN two pounds. Immediately, I wanted to reach for my measuring tape… but it’s the weekend – no measuring on the weekend. Ugh.

And now… What? Where do I go from here? What I want to do is punish myself for this. *Not normal* I want to avoid eating anything today, to ‘make up’ for this. *which will lead me right back to this point* But it’s done, so I can’t go back and fix it now.

Now… what should I do? I should take into consideration that I’ve not done that in a long time, and when you deny your body some things for so long, you’ll pay for it eventually. I should understand that unhealthy snacks are actually.. okay.. in moderation every once in a while.

Maybe, I’ll have to work one ‘naughty’ food into what I allow myself to eat for a week. For me… it’s never about whether or not I want to eat sweets – I always want to eat sweets… It’s about what I allow myself to eat. THAT is what I should stop.

I am always allowed to eat.

Eating is a function that provides fuel for my body, that keeps it healthy, that keeps it running, that keeps me here. Why, since I understand the logistics so well, am I so unable to apply these things in practice? That is the part that really sucks the most in particular.